three amigos

obama, using his flair for the dra­matic and abso­lute com­mit­ment to bipar­tis­an­ship, announces that bush will be his wingman in calling out aide for an earthquake-​struck and com­plete shit­storm, a country more fam­ously known as haiti.

as we all know on january 12^th, haiti got owned by god. the haitian interior min­ister announced that up to 200 000 people are dead, at which point the red cross stated, “holy shit!” after ini­tially announ­cing their gross under­es­tim­a­tion of only 50 000 dead hours earlier.

cur­rent facts on the ground aside, we have to time-​travel back to to feb­ruary 2004, with jean-​bertrande aristide (who was the first demo­crat­ic­ally elected leader of haiti in the country’s 200 years as an inde­pendent nation), when dubya bush sent in the cal­vary, abducted the aristide, and pretty much told him to GTFO and never come back.

the country fell into an even bigger, over­flowing shit­storm after­wards with riots, looting and protests all over the country, which is common when a bunch of mil­itary fuck­wads backed by amer­ican gov­ern­ments take over (see: the 1970-​80s in every central and south amer­ican country). that polit­ical tur­moil was never resolved when god decided nuke the island nation.

luckily for bush, nobody cares or pays atten­tion to haiti and the only people who will be out­raged by obama’s choice of bush as a public rela­tions ambas­sador are the nerdy his­tor­ians and people who have read books.