vexed times
impressively unprofessional.
special report: american military saves dying haitians from “asshole french doctors”
Jan 19th
this morning, startling revelations have surfaced that the maverick french organisation, “doctors without borders” (medecins sans frontieres), tried to violate haitian airspace by entering the country by plane with five doctors on board, allegedly to “help the victims of the haiti earthquake”.
luckily, air traffic control run by the american military in haiti’s only airport were able to intercept the aircraft before it could land, preventing the doctors from doing any more harm to the haitians who are bleeding and dying all over the place throughout the country.
one military officer on the scene told us the horrifying details of the organisation’s gall, “we had to turn them away at least 3 times,” he said. “they’ve been trying to enter since sunday, but thankfully, everyone on duty had their guard up and did their jobs. we cannot let these doctors into this beautiful country and wreak havoc upon an already desperate population.”
internet’s first sexual assault causes a moral panic, search for solutions.
Jan 18th
the internet may have its first sexual assault victim.
during a romp in the land of playstation 3’s home, an innocent, unsuspecting female player was gathering acorns when the attack occured. real-life eye-witness and the victim’s roomate recounted the horrifying details of her encounter with the predatory cyber-rapist:
This morning I learned that my roommate was sexually assaulted near the Festive Tree while she was helping others with the puzzle. She would move and the harasser would follow. Each time trying to get behind her and use the crouch gesture. This apparently went on for some time. The harasser was warned multiple times and laughed at the thought that someone might report him for his actions, which was eventually done, and also, I’m proud to say, by other bystanders.
in an awesome twist of irony in world politics…
Jan 17th
three amigos
obama, using his flair for the dramatic and absolute commitment to bipartisanship, announces that bush will be his wingman in calling out aide for an earthquake-struck and complete shitstorm, a country more famously known as haiti.
as we all know on january 12th, haiti got owned by god. the haitian interior minister announced that up to 200 000 people are dead, at which point the red cross stated, “holy shit!” after initially announcing their gross underestimation of only 50 000 dead hours earlier.
current facts on the ground aside, we have to time-travel back to to february 2004, with jean-bertrande aristide (who was the first democratically elected leader of haiti in the country’s 200 years as an independent nation), when dubya bush sent in the calvary, abducted the aristide, and pretty much told him to GTFO and never come back.
we support conan o’brien.
Jan 17th
due to the overwhelming influence of vexed.ca across all the internets of the world, we would like to take a moment right now to voice our ultimate support for the ultimate talk show host of ultimate time.
when the war started, we thought little of it, only a small skirmish that the red-haired firebrand could destroy singlehanded, but oh, the foe was relentless and would just not die.
as such, this war raged into a flaming apocalypse, and we can no longer stay silent. at this moment in time, we are officially throwing all support behind the champion of the good, conan o’brien, often mistaken for the current president of finland, tarja halonen. it is a sad dark day when, in a world that is usually so peaceful, that we are ripped apart, forced to take sides in an epic battle of good vs evil. however, when the evil chin marches on, we cannot sit back and do nothing.
free new blogging service: typr.org
Jan 15th
vexed.ca is proud to announce a new blogging service, free for anyone to use:
http://typr.org
what you get:
- 100mb of online storage for your blog’s images, music, and videos (more can be requested)
- NO ADS, BANNERS, POPUPS OR STRINGS ATTACHED
- a fully-featured, functioning implementation of wordpress
- 2 free blogs per account to do with what you will
- social-networking implementation
- unlimited themes
- unlimted plugins
- cool address: typr.org/yourname or yourname.typr.org
